Can I change my temperament?

I truly believe that we are born with a certain temperament and that will always be an integral part of who we are. Just as we are born with certain physical features we might desperately want to change. (I mean, just look at the billions and billions of dollars spend in the beauty industry each year).

However, I also strongly believe that our life experiences play a crucial role in making us who we are. The way we are raised, the country, culture, schooling, expectations, exposure and whether we felt safe, loved, secured or not wanted, not good enough, not valuable. All these experiences will impact us to express or supress the characteristics of our temperament. We will learn how to ‘manage’ certain aspects of who we are, based on the feedback we get from those around us.

But, as intelligent beings, we will also quickly learn when to utilise the traits of a different temperament for certain tasks and projects. However, if that trait is not part of your dominant temperament, it will take up energy and you might feel tired and depleted quicker than normal. While, on the other hand, if that trait is part of your temperament, you might feel excited and energised while performing the task.

Take maths homework, for example. It requires attention to detail, logic, structure and rules to follow to get to the correct answer. The Meerkats will most probably enjoy this the most out of the four temperaments. They will really feel a sense of accomplishment and pride (and maybe even excitement) when all the numbers are neatly in a row, all adding up. A true Monkey might feel depleted and even exhausted and have a real need for some fun and games to ‘recover’ from the maths homework.

It’s good to keep in mind that we are all a combination of the four temperaments and we are all unique. So, there will be the odd monkey who do enjoy maths and feel it boosts their energy levels. And that’s OK too, even though this monkey will probably never become an accountant.

And yes, as we go through life, different temperaments might manifest at different stages.

My youngest was born with a strong lion temperament.

I mean, all the nurses commented on her strong set of lungs and strong will to make it very well known to the whole maternity ward if she was not happy. And that continued all through the toddler years. At least I never had to guess whether she liked something or not. Deep down, I was wondering what the future would hold, especially when she starts school. But then something remarkable happened.

She slowly started developing into a meerkat!

And the lion got much tamer. Obviously, Kindy Teachers are miracle workers. Or excellent lion tamers.  Yet, when my little girl got frustrated, the lion would still jump out of nowhere and attack whoever was in her path! But overall, she was changing into a real Meerkat, closely following all instructions and school rules. And as she got older the meerkat continued growing stronger and the lion weaker.

 I was fascinated to say the least.

I’m just so grateful that I understood the different temperaments and could adjust my parenting style accordingly. (Especially as I can be a very strong lion myself).

But now, as a tween, I can see the lioness making a comeback as the hormones start kicking in… (And yes, our Koala-daddy is seriously considering a FIFO-job!)

So, can we change the natural combination of our temperaments? No, I don’t think so. We will always have a dominant temperament from which we will feel most comfortable operating. However, we can learn to utilise the strengths of our temperament and smooth over the weaknesses, while drawing from the other temperaments when needed.

And that, I think, is called ‘maturity’.